When you are in love, you want to be forever with your sweetheart. You get married, and you are happy as never before, and then you notice that your beloved partner starts gradually changing. And maybe you are changing yourself? Or you both are changing? Or…?
Marriage is an important phase in people’s life. It is the union of two persons from different places, different families, different cultures, different mindsets who join to supposedly live together for the rest of their life. Not far ago, arranged marriages were typical in most cultures. But now most of the mainstream American parents have not much authority to dictate their offspring whom to marry and when. So, young people make this decision more or less independently from the peer pressure. But are these love marriages are happier than arranged marriages in the past? Hard to say, since no statistical data may accommodate in full the fact of public perception. Divorces were not acceptable due to the cultural, societal, and religious guidelines, while now the most common remaining limitations are purely financial and children behalf.
BTW, for arranged marriage benefits, interesting results were received in the recent research performed in India, the country, where arranged marriage is still acceptable. A study performed by the University of Rajasthan, compared love strength in love marriages and arranged marriages, using an American love scale, called the Rubin Love Scale. And obtained results were amazing (at least for me). As expected, love in the love marriages starts out very high. And then over time it decreases, which is also understandable. And in the arranged marriages, the love at first is relatively low. That is also can be easily explained: in some cases the people barely know each other, sometimes they’ve had a half an hour of contact in total before they got married. The unexpected results come when it is found that it increases gradually, surpasses the love in the love marriages at about five years. And 10 years out it’s twice as strong.
OK, let’s assume that the results are valid, and there is the food for thoughts. What makes arranged marriage substantially more successful than love marriage? May be, because parents or other responsible people can more or less objectively judge both sides, and their vision is not blurred by passion. May be because they do not base their decisions on subconscious attraction, but rather on the clean personalities’ evaluation for the marriage compatibility?
Where I am leading? No, not towards arranged marriage, and not against love as ruling factor for making the important decision. I just recommend stopping for a moment and performing compatibility testing before making the formal arrangements.
Marriage compatibility tests, available online and offline, are instruments, giving couples an evaluation and a general idea as to their differences in personality and their relationship in general. On the simplest term, they are regarded as a relationship checkers. Couples who want to know more about their partner and discover each other’s strengths and weakness often indulge in this practice. This includes commonalities and personality differences. You may have the chance to date your partner and yes, you do become aware of who they really are but this happens through a very gradual process over an extended period of time. Using a marriage compatibility test, you can complete this process much more quickly and more in depth.
In a marriage compatibility test, there are NO right or wrong answers. All answers just offer insights into who you are as long as you provide your answers truthfully. Generally, questions cover issues about your personality type, relationship lifestyle and your day to day routines. Thus, it gives you a general idea about each other’s differences, strengths and weaknesses that can lead to a better understanding of yourself and your partner. Any possible conflicts can be identified and dealt with through the therapeutic process. As a result, issues can be worked through before things get out of hand.
And that is the main point: not necessary the compatibility issues should cause your separation. You may enter to marriage with open eyes and clear understanding on what and how you will have to deal with that.
There are multiple tests, you can do online, starting from the serious psychological questionnaires and ending with humorous love strength tests. While the value might be different, even the most stupid test can help you to discover your partner thoughts, personality traits, wishes and desires. More you do, better you know the person, you are going to marry. And LOVE matters, it really is!
Jung Marriage Test
Jung Marriage Test is probably one of the most serious attempts to check if two people are compatible and have good chances to be happy together. It is based on a personality type, defined by the three criteria introduced by Carl Jung:
- Extraversion - Introversion
- Sensing - Intuition
- Thinking - Feeling
And the forth criteria added later by Isabel Briggs Myers.
- Judging - Perceiving
The different combinations of the four criteria define sixteen possible personality types. The type formula is denoted by the first letters of the combination, e.g.
ENFP - Extravert Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
Once you know the type formula and strength of the preferences of both partners in a matching couple, it is possible to calculate the index of compatibility (MatchIndex) between the partners. MatchIndex is of such great importance that, practically, its role may be decisive one in the partners' relationships.
A high MatchIndex ensures good and stable long-term relations. If the partners' MatchIndex is low, then in the vast majority of cases the relationships are subject to conflict.
Full description: http://www.humanmetrics.com/infomate/JungLoveMatch.htm
This test is not free, but the cost of $6 is quite affordable, and worth investing.
Other tests, offered in this post, are free for all, but they are not so sophisticated than the first one. In any case, try and see:
- Marriage Compatibility Test by Barron Stofik: http://www.drstansbury.com/marriage.htm
- Marriage Compatibility Test by Robert Sternberg: http://www.marriagehelper.com/marriage_compatibility_test.php
- Compatibility Test by Similar Minds: http://similarminds.com/match/