When you are
in love, you want to be forever with your sweetheart. You get married, and you
are happy as never before, and then you notice that your beloved partner starts
gradually changing. And maybe you are changing yourself? Or you both are
changing? Or…?
Marriage is
an important phase in people’s life. It is the union of two persons from
different places, different families, different cultures, different mindsets
who join to supposedly live together for the rest of their life. Not far ago,
arranged marriages were typical in most cultures. But now most of the
mainstream American parents have not much authority to dictate their offspring
whom to marry and when. So, young people make this decision more or less
independently from the peer pressure. But are these love marriages are happier
than arranged marriages in the past? Hard to say, since no statistical data may
accommodate in full the fact of public perception. Divorces were not acceptable
due to the cultural, societal, and religious guidelines, while now the most
common remaining limitations are purely financial and children behalf.
BTW, for
arranged marriage benefits, interesting results were received in the recent
research performed in India, the country, where arranged marriage is still
acceptable. A study performed by the University of Rajasthan, compared love
strength in love marriages and arranged marriages, using an American love
scale, called the Rubin Love Scale. And obtained results were amazing (at least
for me). As expected, love in the love marriages starts out very high. And then
over time it decreases, which is also understandable. And in the arranged
marriages, the love at first is relatively low. That is also can be easily
explained: in some cases the people barely know each other, sometimes they’ve
had a half an hour of contact in total before they got married. The unexpected
results come when it is found that it increases gradually, surpasses the love
in the love marriages at about five years. And 10 years out it’s twice as
strong.
OK, let’s
assume that the results are valid, and there is the food for thoughts. What
makes arranged marriage substantially more successful than love marriage? May
be, because parents or other responsible people can more or less objectively
judge both sides, and their vision is not blurred by passion. May be because
they do not base their decisions on subconscious attraction, but rather on the
clean personalities’ evaluation for the marriage compatibility?
Where I am leading? No, not towards arranged marriage, and not against
love as ruling factor for making the important decision. I just recommend stopping
for a moment and performing compatibility testing before making the formal
arrangements.
Marriage compatibility tests, available online and offline, are instruments,
giving couples an evaluation and a general idea as to their differences in
personality and their relationship in general. On the simplest term, they are
regarded as a relationship checkers. Couples who want to know more about their
partner and discover each other’s strengths and weakness often indulge in this
practice. This includes commonalities and personality differences. You may have
the chance to date your partner and yes, you do become aware of who they really
are but this happens through a very gradual process over an extended period of
time. Using a marriage compatibility test, you can complete this process much
more quickly and more in depth.
In a marriage compatibility test, there are NO right or wrong answers.
All answers just offer insights into who you are as long as you provide your
answers truthfully. Generally, questions cover issues about your personality
type, relationship lifestyle and your day to day routines. Thus, it gives you a
general idea about each other’s differences, strengths and weaknesses that can
lead to a better understanding of yourself and your partner. Any possible
conflicts can be identified and dealt with through the therapeutic process. As
a result, issues can be worked through before things get out of hand.
And that is the main point: not necessary the compatibility issues should
cause your separation. You may enter to marriage with open eyes and clear understanding
on what and how you will have to deal with that.
There are multiple tests, you can do online, starting from the serious psychological
questionnaires and ending with humorous love strength tests. While the value
might be different, even the most stupid test can help you to discover your
partner thoughts, personality traits, wishes and desires. More you do, better
you know the person, you are going to marry. And LOVE matters, it really is!
Jung Marriage Test
Jung Marriage Test is probably one of the most serious attempts to check
if two people are compatible and have good chances to be happy together. It is
based on a personality type, defined by the three criteria introduced by Carl
Jung:
- Extraversion -
Introversion
- Sensing -
Intuition
- Thinking -
Feeling
And the forth criteria added later by Isabel Briggs Myers.
The different combinations of the four criteria define sixteen possible
personality types. The type formula is denoted by the first letters of the
combination, e.g.
ENFP - Extravert Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
Once you know the type formula and strength of the preferences of both
partners in a matching couple, it is possible to calculate the index of
compatibility (MatchIndex) between the partners. MatchIndex is of such great
importance that, practically, its role may be decisive one in the partners'
relationships.
A high MatchIndex ensures good and stable long-term relations. If the
partners' MatchIndex is low, then in the vast majority of cases the
relationships are subject to conflict.
This test is not free, but the cost of $6 is quite affordable, and worth
investing.
Other Tests
Other tests, offered in this post, are free for all, but they are not so sophisticated
than the first one. In any case, try and see:
